I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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