i jhust puked up my retainher.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
