It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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