After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
