I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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