Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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