Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In other news, I just burned my penis
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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