I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
