the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
