How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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