I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
