oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The adults are the big ones right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
