I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
