never play flip cup with pint glasses
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
