I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
