I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
