if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
