The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
