I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize