Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
