FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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