hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
