hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's shark week go big or go home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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