just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
