Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
