My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize