Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
