I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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