I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
