Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
