My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
