You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
