WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
