what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
