ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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