pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
