Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
