I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
