the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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