Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
