i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
