Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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