JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
