Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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