does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
