Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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