If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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