Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
