I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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