It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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