I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
