So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
