You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
