i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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