...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
