The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
