I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My cat gives me a boner
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Vodka?
Forever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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