I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
