hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
