i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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