Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
