guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
