Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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