i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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