Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize