I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
