is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
