i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
