i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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