The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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