Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
