His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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