my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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