Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just found puke in my bra..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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