my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
