You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
