I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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