i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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