go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My ATM looks so different sober.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
