Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
