I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
