Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
