i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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