If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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