ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
