The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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