I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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