i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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