Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
