Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
