i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
