??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We just shotgunned beers for America
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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