an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
