I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
