Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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