He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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