and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize