i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
