I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
