Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize