You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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