Well apparently he's into motor boating.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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