puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
