Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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