Someone shit on the floor
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
