he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
