Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
