Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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