i don't like sucking hair
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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