they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
