I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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