he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
