I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
