You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
