this beer tastes like vomit already
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
