It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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