i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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