He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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