I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
