DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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