It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
